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Sunrise & Sunset

Waking up in the morning is a blessing that not everyone is afforded. Having access to water, food, clothing, and shelter is a privilege that is often overlooked. Being able to slow down and hold space for yourself is an action that many people can't even fathom as possible. We may not have exactly what we want and need in life, but many of us do have enough to survive paired with the will to keep trying, so we can elevate and reach new heights. That fire within us that keeps us going is something fierce and it needs to be nurtured and appreciated because it can have life altering results. Every morning, I remind myself of how blessed I am to be alive. My life isn't perfect, not even close, but I'm still here and I'm trying. There was a time, many times, in fact, when I didn't want to keep trying. I've been at the brink of losing my sanity more times than I can count. I spent over 10 years in a constant state of severe depression. Being in that state became my norm and I lost the ability to realize the way that I was living wasn't a way to live at all. I've had people say things like "Just get over it." and "I have it harder than you, so you should be appreciative." I internalized those words and tried to use them as a foundation to build from, when in all actuality, all it did was hinder me from building anything at all. I desperately needed help, but I wasn't able to vocalize it and it ate me up inside like an unseen parasite until there was barely any of me left. I've struggled and I still struggle to this day, but it's different. The difference now is that I use my voice to speak up, instead of silently suffering while waiting for the dark cloud to pass. I needed help and I found it, and in some ways, it found me. I have an amazing support system, a therapist, a psychiatrist, and I'm now on medication for agoraphobia and a panic disorder that I was diagnosed with in 2015. I’m also in the process of other diagnosis that I may be open to discussing in the future. Living a "normal" life wasn't in the cards for me and while that may be unfortunate, it's the life that I was dealt and I'm going to make the most of it. Throwing myself a pity party is a waste of time because it won't help me move forward. I feel like I'm finally on an upward swing after many months of confusion and almost feeling like a stranger in my own body because being in a constant state of panic became my new norm. I don't look like what I've been through and that's a blessing. If you're reading this and you feel like you don't have a support system, please reach out to me. You don't have to go through life's motions alone and knowing that you have someone in your corner can truly be life changing. I want to thank all the beautiful people in my life that have been so kind, understanding, and patient with me while I adjust to new norms and a new way of being. Shedding the belief that I'm not important or deserving of love and care has been transformative, and much of this transformation has been triggered by my loved ones who want to see me happy and thriving. Thank you, a thousand times, for seeing, hearing, and loving me for me with no strings attached. This is the beginning of a new era for me, an era filled with love, blessings, and mindfulness. I love you all xx

 

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News & Updates:

I am unable to send any email newsletters to my contact list and members of my website and will be unable to until around the 3rd of next month. This is due to my refusal to put any more money in my website platforms pockets due to their immoral stance on the Palestinian genocide. I will be leaving this website platform once I have the means to do so. Extended week ahead messages will be posted as they are regularly, which is on Sunday's around 4pm PST. This week’s messages have been posted and you can click here to read them for free. I plan on running a free reading special, but it may have to wait until next month when I'm able to send out emails again. The free reading offer is currently available to my Patreon subscribers.

 

My creativity is slowly returning to me, meaning that I will be writing and adding to my blog on a more consistent basis again. My website automatically sends out email notifications when blogs are posted, so in the case that I am unable to send out email newsletters, any important updates that I need to announce will be announced in a blog post.

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