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Little Love, Big Impact

As soon as I woke up yesterday morning I felt the need to be alone and to disconnect. I deactivated my social media pages and decided to turn inward. I asked myself how I'm feeling. How my head space is. What I want to do and what I want my next steps to look like. My need to grow and become more responsible is at an all time high right now and I want to flow with this. As soon as I deactivated my accounts I felt more in control and conscious, almost like a spell had casted away from me. This why I always preach about the importance of taking social media breaks, because no matter which way you spin it, it can be extremely exhausting and taxing. I decided to shift my focus onto what needs my attention; what I've been hesistating away from, and also areas where I've been lacking. I already had a lot going on and then I was randomly asked to watch a little kitten, to which I said yes, because I'm a sucker for animals. I later named this kitten Quinn. Quinn was full of life from the moment that I met her. A fearless few week old kitten with the courage of one-thousand panthers. I was impressed. She fit in just fine.

Day's prior to my deactivation from the world I was stressed and doing my best not to be hard on myself. I was just going through the motions and life was life-ing. Remembering that I am a survivor and I have survived worse before really helped me to get by because "this too shall pass." I think of life like a book and I try not to get hung up on a single page, because there's so many other pages and chapter's to explore. Life has so much to offer and I don't want to limit myself into thinking the opposite. Everything that I've been feeling and thinking really started making sense after today's events. This morning I woke up ready to start me and Quinn's routine where I make her kitten milk replacement, wash her face with a warm towel, comb her, and then give her all of the morning cuddles that she wants. Today when I woke her up everything was different. She was groggy and lethargic, which was completely different from her cheerful, brave, and energetic self. The kitten that I had watched climb out of her carrier and dominate the house no longer had the strength for it. Today she took one of her last breaths while she was in my arms and I watched the life fade from her eye's. Last night we played and laid together and today she was just gone. I blamed myself and thought of everything that I could've possibly done wrong, but there was honestly nothing that I could've done to make it right. Looking back Quinn came to me with an pre-existing illness and I was there to make her final day's magical, even though I wasn't aware at the start. I poured all of my love and care into her. I only had her for eight days, but those eight day's really impacted me, and I know she felt the same. Quinn taught me to take it one day at the time and that even when life is hard it doesn't mean that there's not beauty and wonder out there. She reminded me that everything does come to an end and that's why it's so important to be appreciate with what you have. She was a little life, but she made such a huge impact on me.

Moving forward I'm going to stay deactivated as long as I need to, until it feels right to come back. I have healing to do and that is my focus right now. I'm proud of myself for listening to my body without hesitation. I'm proud of myself for how I handled the situation with Quinn's passing, because after all if she could speak she probably would've wanted me to keep going, just like she would've.

Please let this be a lesson being good to animals that you decide to take in. If you find an animal and know that you cannot care for it and keep it healthy by taking it to the vet, then I do not recomned doing it at all. When Quinn was found she should've been taken straight to the vet and not into a home with several animals that have fleas and no shots. Consider the well-being of the animal and don't get lost in how cute or little they are. That is a real life, with real feelings, that can experience real health issues.

Rest well, beautiful Quinn.

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Jul 20, 2022

This is what life is all about! Love, enjoyment and passing (moving on into the future).

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