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Heartbreak Hotel

I thought it was gone but it's still there...just like a shadow casted from any form. I feel it's cold grip and familiar warmth all at the same time. An undealt with wound, scar, or even a burden. That's what this is. That's what I've been feeling or rather, been avoiding feeling. You could say that I've been running or skipping (because lazy) away from the truth. In order to feel things I have to be willing to accept them, which means accepting my wrongs and defeats. The things that I worked so hard for that I didn't become my reality, no matter how hard I tried. That shit hurts but "you have to feel it to heal it" and that's the honest truth. It's not easy work either. *Insert shadow work here.* My inner workings are all my own, rarely shared with those close to me and even less with the world. My private world where a million little me's are meeting around a round table discussing the do's and do not's. The why's and how's. The past, present, and the future. The parts of me that are fighting for my peace against the parts of me that don't want to let to go of what disrupting it. There's a lot going on up there and if you've ever met me in person you now know why I'm often spaced out; I'm in a constant inner meeting that is helping me to better myself and to shine brighter. When I talk about planting seeds for the future this is some of what I mean. I'm doing things in the present that will greatly benefit me in the long run. The hard work, pain, sweat, and tears are all amounting to something grand. Those fallen tears are watering my crops as they continue to grow. I am the resource.


I wrote this blog as a reminder not to be so hard on yourself. You are not your past. You are not who you once were. You are trying your best. Those mistakes and failures amount to something, it all has the potential to help you grow if you're willing to see thing's that way. Shift your perspective and allow yourself the space + time to grow. You have the resources that you need, you just have to figure out how to use them.


Advice:

♡ Be good to yourself. Be your own best friend, cheerleader, and lover.

♡ It's not broken, it's just a crack waiting to be repaired.

♡ Growth takes time. Give yourself time. Don't rush or try to cut corners. Every step of this process is meant to be felt, not avoided or sped through.


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