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A Look into my Spiritual Journey

POV: It's 2018. Your closest friendships suddenly began to end. Your roommate is constantly being combative and then suddenly moves out on you to be spiteful. You're being sexually + verbally harassed by your boss at an already stressful job. On top of all of that your depression and anxiety is at an all time high and you just don't know how or if you're going to survive.

That was me. 2017-2019 were the hardest years of my life. Everything that happened was constant, literally back to back for three years straight. I barely had any breathing room and thinking that the world would be a better place without me became my norm. Depression and pain became my daily routine and this had been brewing since my teen years. Over the years I learned to paint a smile on my face and mask my energy despite feeling like I was dying on the inside, literally felt like I was slowly being ripped from seam to seam. What was I to do?

One day I was driving on the freeway and I almost drove my car into the center divider because death felt *easier* in a sense. I stopped myself at the last second which left me and my misery with much to think about and unpack. I asked myself "Is this rock bottom?" and I recieved an answer. I explored that voice a little and asked more questions. One of the answers that I recieved was "You're going to be so happy after you get through this. You'll experience happiness like never before." Those two sentences were the foundation of what pushed me to keep going, I mean... if this is rock bottom then there's only up from here, right? What's the harm in trying? That was the beginning of everything. That little voice saved my life.

Following this experience I began to get drawn to tarot and astrology, starting with astrology. This helped me to discover birth charts which helped me to explore myself in totally new ways, it was really exciting (still is ofc). Next I explored my interest in tarot and divination, which really reminded me of the parts of my childhood that I forget about. The child that loved magic 8 balls, psychics, pretending that I could control the elements, and being a skilled animal whisperer. I honestly couldn't believe that I forgot about all of that but anywho back to my tale. All of this led me exactly to where I needed to be, it led me to places that I could learn about ancestors and how to connect with them aka it led me to the internet and social media. I must admit that quite a few people on social media really helped me with the gems that they post which helped me to learn a LOT and in a short period of time too. I got my set up going and every day I just started thanking my ancestors for loving and protecting me all of this time even though I wasn't aware. This helped build our bond over time and now I feel so connected with not only my ancestors but my entire spiritual team. Connecting with them all has taught me to better connect with myself and has helped me realize that I wasn't doing everything wrong all along, I was actually doing a whole lot of right. I didn't allow what I faced to stop me, it might've slowed me down but I never stopped. I turned my experiences into lessons and opportunities for growth. Through loss, heartache, and literally feeling lost I was able to discover that I had the map that uncovered the way out all along, I just had to flip it around so I could see better. I now think of myself as an alchemist, someone that can take dirt and transmute it to gold (My anime Full Metal Alchemist loving self is screeching). Even a magician, if you will. What my spiritual journey has taught me so far is that I've always had the tools that I needed to survive, it was just a means of figuring out how to use what I have and believing that I can do it because I can! I can't wait to see how much I'll grow and experience in the coming years.


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